WHEN A FORMER STAR IS BROKE, SHE’LL RESORT TO ANYTHING -- WHEN SHE’S BROKE AND ON CRANK, THEIR DESPERATION BECOMES EPIC

-- AND THAT’S THE STORY FOR LINDSAY LOHAN -- OUR FAVORITE GOSSIP COLUMNIST ELAINE LIU (loo) WORKS FOR E! IN CANADA -- SHE SAYS “I’VE BEEN IN L.A. FOR A WEEK, TOUCHING BASE WITH ALL MY BEST SOURCES. THE OVERWHELMING CONSENSUS IS THAT LINDSAY LOHAN IS NOT EVEN PART OF THE DISCUSSION ANYMORE. SHE HAS NO CHANCE OF A COMEBACK. SHE’S BECOME OBSOLETE. IT’S NOT JUST THAT SHE’S NUTS, IT’S ALSO THAT THERE’S NO NEED FOR HER. AND THAT’S WHAT HURTS THE MOST. NO ONE THINKS SHE HAS ANY VALUE”

-- BETWEEN HER EMPTY BANK ACCOUNT, HER DRINKING, & DRUG ABUSE, SHE’S STARTING TO FLIP OUT – THAT’S THE STORY BEHIND THE $100 MILLION DOLLAR LAWSUIT HER MOM IS FILING AGAINST E-TRADE. IT’S OVER A COMMERCIAL WHICH FEATURES 2 BABIES TALKING. ONE BABY IS THE BOYFRIEND WHO FORGOT TO CALL -- AND THE OTHER BABY IS THE GIRLFRIEND, RAGGING ON HIM AND WANTING TO KNOW IF THAT “MILK-O-HOLIC LINDSAY” IS THE REASON THAT THE BABY BOY IGNORED HER

(YELM, WASHINGTON) An elderly woman is alive today because she has a strong tongue. Last week, she was the victim of a home invasion robbery. The thugs hog-tied her with an electrical cord and abandoned her in the ransacked house. Some how, the woman managed to wiggle her way to the phone. With her tongue, she speed-dialed a neighbor, who came to the rescue.

(DEVON, ENGLAND) A British hairdresser thought she was suffering from a severe case of “Irritable Bowel Syndrome” (IBS). Instead, Belinda Waite delivered a bouncing baby girl of 9 pounds. She told reporters (quote) “You read these stories in magazines about clueless women unaware they’re pregnant. You never think it happens to real people. I certainly never thought it would happen to me.”

A Winter Haven, Florida, man was arrested after he tried to return a stolen winning lottery ticket to the same store he'd stolen it from the day before.

The 22-year-old man had taken $70 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets, then decided to go back the next day to claim a $50 prize.The clerk took down the info on his driver's license and called the cops after the suspect left.

He was released on $250 bond after being charged with retail theft.

     A Gallup Survey in 2009 showed that money can buy you happiness. As Americans earned more money, they reported being happier. No surprise there, really. Except that the trend stopped rising once your annual salary reached $60,000. In this Gallup Survey, happiness flat-lined beyond that. People reported the same level of happiness whether they made $65,000 or $650,000 or $6.5 million.

(ATLANTA, GEORGIA) The experts are trying to explain why the “Swine Flu” wasn’t as deadly as predicted. One theory is that the unemployment rate helped dampen the spread of the H1N1 swine flu virus.

     Scientists from Emory University believe the economy is to blame. They mapped the highest concentrations of the Swine Flu and found that these regions of the United States also had the highest employment.

• Doctor Drew's alleged stalker, Charles Pearson, pled not guilty to six felonies Friday. At his arraignment, Pearson's bail was raised to 400-thousand dollars and he was ordered to stay at least 500 yards away from the celebrity doctor.

• Mel Gibson has put his Malibu home on the market. Mel's asking 14-point-five mil for the 54-hundred-square-foot home, which has 10 bathrooms and a guest house.

Almost every concertgoer has been to a rock concert and seen Bic lighters held up high during certain songs or to request an encore.

For a while, pathetic glow sticks were used.

Now, the Bic lighter company wants to reclaim its rightful place at rock concerts -- but in a new way.

Bic has released a free Bic Concert Lighter app for iPhones, Google Androids and BlackBerries. Users can actually flick their Bic on their phone and hold it above the crowd. Rock on!

ELIN NORDEGREN HAS AGREED TO MOVE BACK INTO THE HOME SHE & TIGER SHARED IN FLORIDA, BEFORE SHE DISCOVERED THE ASTONISHING AMOUNT OF LIES HE TOLD HER, IN ORDER TO GET AWAY WITH THE ASTOUNDING AMOUNT OF CHEATING HE DID -- BUT ELIN STILL HAS HER DIGNITY – SHE CLAIMS SHE WILL NOT SLEEP WITH HIM – SHE’LL LIVE IN HER PART OF THE MANSION, AND HE’LL LIVE IN HIS – PEOPLE MAGAZINE SAYS “ELIN WANTS TO PUT A NEW FACE ON PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS” -- BUT HAS SHE REALLY THOUGHT THIS THROUGH? – HERE’S TIGER, ONE OF THE HORNIEST MEN ALIVE, WHO SUPPOSEDLY HASN’T HAD SEX SINCE LAST THANKSGIVING, AND HE’S GOING TO LIVE WITH HIS GORGEOUS BLONDE WIFE -- HE’S BOUND TO SEE HER GETTING OUT OF THE SHOWER, TOWEL DRYING HER HAIR, CHASING AFTER THE KIDS IN HER BRA & PANTIES -- SO IF HE’S NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP WITH HER, HE’LL BE SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE

-- MEANWHILE, TIGER’S CADDIE FOR THE PAST 11 YEARS HELPED HIM OUT THIS WEEK – HIS NAME IS STEVE WILLIAMS – A THUG FROM NEW ZEALAND, HE CLAIMED HE DIDN’T KNOW A THING ABOUT TIGER’S CHEATING -- HE SAID “EVERY SINGLE PERSON BELIEVED THAT I SHOULD KNOW OR DID KNOW OR HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT. I KNEW NOTHING, THAT'S MY ANSWER. I DON'T HAVE TO CLARIFY OR EXTEND THAT ANSWER, I KNEW NOTHING. IT WOULD BE VERY DIFFICULT AS A CADDIE NOT TO KNOW, BUT I'M 100% TELLING YOU, I DID NOT KNOW, AND THAT'S THAT” – BUT TIGER WAS OFTEN THOUSANDS OF MILES FROM HOME AND RELIED ON A SMALL GROUP OF FRIENDS – GIRLS WOULDN’T ALWAYS APPROACH HIM ALONE – SOMETIMES, THEY’D COME OVER IN PAIRS – CHANCES ARE, THE CADDIE GOT THE OVERFLOW – OBVIOUSLY, HE DOESN’T WANT HIS WIFE TO KNOW – (TIGER FLEW TO NEW ZEALAND TO ATTEND HIS WEDDING BACK IN 2005)…

Don’t Feel Bad For Jess: She Took In A Half a Billion

*NOBODY HAS TO FEEL BAD FOR JESSICA SIMPSON – SHE COULD BUY AND SELL EVERY ONE OF HER EX-BOYFRIENDS – WHILE SHE’S STILL A PUNCHING BAG FOR THE PRESS, SHE’S LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK – JESSICA’S LICENSED PRODUCTS TOOK IN A HALF A BILLION DOLLARS LAST YEAR – WHICH MEANS SHE MADE $50 MILLION FOR HERSELF ON HER CLOTHING, HANDBAGS, BEAUTY PRODUCTS, FRAGRANCES, AND SHOES – SHE EVEN HAS THE TOP-SELLING SHAMPOO AT WAL-MART, AND THE DEALS KEEP COMING IN -- SHE JUST LICENSED A LINE OF WATCHES, AND HER OWN DENIM JEANS

-- IN AN ARTICLE IN “ADVERTISING AGE” ABOUT CELEBRITY PRODUCTS, THEY SAID “NOBODY CAN BEAT SIMPSON, WHO’S BECOME A TRUE MERCHANDISING MOGUL” – PLUS SHE HAS GOOD TIMING -- IN 2005, BEFORE SHE WAS DRAGGED DOWN BY "MOM JEANS" & CRAPPY ALBUM SALES, JESSICA SOLD THE “MASTER LICENSE” TO HER BRAND---THE RIGHT TO MARKET HER NAME AROUND THE WORLD---FOR $15 MILLION

-- 3 YEARS LATER, SHE RAKED IN $300 MILLION, WHICH WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH TO PAY BACK HER ADVANCE OF $15 MILLION – SO NOW, SHE GETS ROYALTIES ON EVERY ITEM SOLD – NO DOUBT HER DAD DESERVES SOME OF THE CREDIT, BUT THERE’S NO OTHER CELEBRITY IN THE WORLD WHO EARNS MORE THAN JESSICA DOES IN MERCHANDISING…

According to Guyism.com, here are some things that you can do to get your "man card" revoked on the spot:

1. Use Fake Tanner or Get a Spray-On Tan -- Painting your skin is simply pathetic.

2. Know the Lyrics to a Miley Cyrus Song -- This musical product was engineered for teenage girls... and nobody else.

3. Ask for Directions -- Guys don't even have to get teased about this anymore. GPS is ours for the taking.

4. Buy Wine Coolers For Yourself -- Guys can drink all the wine and beer and liquor they want. There is no need to reach for a tropical mango wine cooler. Ever.

5. Spend More than 20 Minutes Getting Ready -- No matter what the situation, poker night or the day or your wedding, guys should be able to get ready in 20 minutes.

Source: Guyism.com

The web is abuzz with a new viral video featuring an all-star roster of Saturday Night Live presidential impersonators, from Fred Armisen's Barack Obama to Chevy Chase's Gerald Ford.

In the Funny or Die video, directed by Ron Howard, the presidents visit Barack and Michelle Obama (Maya Rudolph) to endorse the proposal for stricter regulation of credit card companies and banks.

The cast: Chevy Chase (Gerald Ford), Dan Aykroyd (Jimmy Carter), Jim Carrey (Ronald Reagan), Dana Carvey (George H-W Bush), Darrell Hammond (Bill Clinton), Will Ferrell (George W. Bush) and Fred Armisen (Barack Obama).

Highlights of the video:

• Darrel Hammond's Bill Clinton acting sleazy with the first lady.

• Chevy Chase's Gerald Ford and Dan Aykroyd's Jimmy Carter arguing about which one is dead.

• Jim Carrey's Ronald Reagan returning from the grave to tell Obama to "grow a pair."

• Dana Carvey's George Bush telling Obama to do the right thing and screw approval ratings.

• Chevy Chase's Gerald Ford taking a pratfall and saying, "Live From New York..."

(VANCOUVER, CANADA) One Olympic skier blamed his poor performance on “porn”. Bjorn Hjelmeset [helm-UH-set], who cross-country skis for Norway, earned a silver medal in a 4-man relay. He had a very slow second leg for Norway’s relay. He told Sports Illustrated (quote) “I think I have seen too much porn in the last 14 days. I have the room next to another skier. Every night, this week, there were unmistakable noises from his bedroom. So I think that is the reason I stunk up the competition.”

DESPITE SIMON COWELL'S BEST EFFORTS TO SHOOT DOWN THE WIDESPREAD REPORTS THAT HE & ELLEN DeGENERES DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER, AMERICA WANTS THE CONTROVERSY OF A SIMON-ELLEN FEUD -- DURING A CONFERENCE CALL LAST WEEK, SIMON SAID “I WOULDN'T SAY WE DON’T GET ALONG. I DON'T KNOW ELLEN THAT WELL, SHE’S BEEN IN A DIFFICULT POSITION SINCE SHE STARTED WORK ON ‘HOLLYWOOD WEEK’, THAT’S A TOUGH TIME TO BEGIN. THERE WAS ONE STORY I READ THAT I TURNED UP AN HOUR LATE. IT WAS REALLY 15 MINUTES, AND THEY DID START WITHOUT ME, BUT IT WASN'T A PROBLEM”

Janell Wheeler, Ashleigh Rodriguez, Joe Munoz and Tyler Grady were sent home on last night's American Idol.

• Ryan Seacrest opened by asking Simon Cowell if he was too harsh in judging the Top 24. Simon said he was just being honest about some bad performances.
• We saw the gang do a group-sing of "American Boy." After Ryan's first round of toying, Janell was sent home. The other three were let go with the same nail-biting shenanigans throughout the night.
• Pink-haired Idol alum Alison Iraheta took the stage to perform her song "Scar."
• Idol champ Kris Allen dropped by to talk about his recent trip to join the relief effort in Haiti. He warned that the island is facing a rainy season that could make their woes worse and performed The Beatles classic "Let it Be." It's available on I-Tunes with profits going to help Haiti.

A convenience store in Connecticut has been victimized by a Red Bull bandit several times in the past, so the owner had some surveillance cameras installed. And lo and behold, the cameras caught the crook red (bull) handed. The video captured the guy stuffing about 17 cans of the energy drink into his pants and then walking out of the store.

Some of the strange jobs up for grabs on CraigsList in this crazy economy...

Hula & Fire Dancers: This "Professional Polynesian Dance Troupe" is looking for hula and fire dancers. They'll even provide full training! Just bring along two photos of yourself and a small bio, including any dance experience you have. This doesn't pay, but hey -- in these tough times, learning how to hula dance with fire could look great on your resume.

Vixens & Bodybuilders: This guy is holding a party in March and needs buff dudes and hot chicks. If you're a buff dude or hot chick, you're guaranteed at least 80 dollars for the gig. You need to send along a head shot and full body picture along with your phone number. The guys, as we said, need to be buff. The girls? Well, the "ladies need to be on the healthier side of life." Interesting way to put it.

Harpist: For 50 bucks an hour, this person needs a professional harpist to play during a cocktail party in June. Our advice would be to play each song extremely slowly, so that you can eke out an eight-hour workday.

Digitize Records: This one is pretty simple -- digitize this dude's record collection. He says he has "about 10 to 30 albums" -- so apparently he's no better at math than at computers. You'll get 20 bucks an hour to dump over these 33 r-p-m records. But you gotta go at it with kid gloves, as they are "rare." Okay, buddy, I know you love that copy of Hall and Oates' "Private Eyes," but that doesn't make it rare.

*OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST LINDSEY VONN IS IN TALKS TO APPEAR ON HER

FAVORITE TV SHOW “LAW & ORDER” -- NBC EXECUTIVES ARE THRILLED THAT THE BEAUTIFUL, BLONDE U.S. SKI CHAMP WANTS TO DO A GUEST

SPOT – A FRIEND OF HERS SAYS “LINDSEY IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY FOR ‘LAW & ORDER’. BEFORE THE OLYMPICS, SHE’D UNWIND AND RELAX BY WATCHING ‘LAW & ORDER’ DVDs”

-- LINDSEY'S DEAL TO APPEAR ON THE SHOW HAS BEEN MORE THAN A YEAR IN THE MAKING – HER FRIEND SAYS “WITH ALL THE TRAINING SHE HAD TO DO, THERE JUST WASN’T TIME” -- BUT NOW PRODUCERS ARE “WITHIN DAYS” OF SIGNING HER UP – LINDSEY WILL PLAY HERSELF, AND THEY HOPE TO SHOOT HER SCENES IN NEW YORK…

(BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS) William Cane can explain why your guy is not the best kisser in the world. He wrote the popular book “The Art of Kissing”. He’s interviewed 50,000 kissing couples in 23 different countries.

     Cane says that men respond differently to kissing. They don’t get aroused unless tongue is involved. Sweet pecks on the lips won’t do it for him. So that’s why guys don’t believe it when they’re told women crave kisses down the neck. 97% of women around the world find necking to be highly erotic.

     Based on his statistics, 33% of people kiss with their eyes open. Men rarely mind if they kiss a woman wearing lipstick. And women are divided 50-50 about kissing a man with a 5 O’clock shadow. Half prefer a clean-shaven guy, and the other half like scruffy.

The research company Millward Brown polled 20,000 consumers and awarded trust-recommendation scores for a bunch of companies. Here's a rundown of the top 10:

1. Amazon.com
2. FedEx
3. Downy
4. Huggies
5. Tide
6. Tylenol
7. Toyota
8. WebMD
9. Pampers
10. UPS

Source: BrandWeek

When asked, guys will tell you what they consider to be the "ideal" woman. She's hot, funny and has a great body.

But then, there are those women that are out there on the fringe and not considered ideal. These are women that plenty of guys secretly lust after -- whether they admit it or not.

According to Asylum.com, here are some types of women that some guys secretly fantasize about:

1. Ladies with Slight Dental Imperfections -- A noticeable gap or a tooth that's out of line is strangely hot.

2. Freckled Gals -- These women probably remind us all of the girls we had a crush on -- and never did anything about - in fifth grade.

3. Goth Chicks -- Dark plus dangerous equals fun.

4. Chubby Girls -- Whether they admit it or not, most guys think those extra 10 pounds make a woman look approachable, real and ... cuddly.

Source: Asylum.com

A Collier County, Florida, deputy broke his ankle after he and another deputy crashed their Segway scooters into one another.

The two cops were attempting to move out of the way of an oncoming vehicle when their tires became locked.

No discipline is in the works for either lawman.

(VANCOUVER, CANADA) Olympic athletes have their own superstitions and good-luck charms. Bronze medal speed-skater Chad Hedrick religiously reads his fortune cookies (quote) “Before the 2006 games in Italy, one fortune said ‘Your Golden Opportunity Is Soon'. I came home with a gold medal -- just like the cookie predicted.”

     Casey Puckett is competing in his 5th Winter Olympics. He says (quote) “Following a good race, whatever undergarments I'm wearing is what I want for the next race. I like to believe in skill and preparedness. But at the same time, I do recognize that there is a bit of luck that comes into winning.”

Team U-S-A continues to lead the pack in the medal race with 26 -- seven golds, nine silvers and 10 bronze -- but Germany is hot on their tail with 23. The Germans are tied with the U-S in golds and slivers, but three behind with seven bronze. In one of the more shocking moments of the Games, seemingly gold-bound Dutch speedskater Sven Kramer was disqualified on Tuesday with only eight laps left in the 25-lap, 10-thousand meter race. His coach, Gerard Kemkers, advised him to move to the inside lane when he should have stayed in the outer. Yahoo! Sports quoted Kemkers saying, "It is the worst moment of my career."

(VANCOUVER, CANADA) Sports psychologists say two-out-of-three Olympic medal winners are extremely happy. It’s the silver medal winner who feels swindled.

     Doctor Victoria Medvec, who is a therapist to many athletes, says (quote) “On average, bronze medalists are happier than silver medalists. Third-place winners have thoughts of –- ‘At least I won’ -- that increase their satisfaction. But the second-place finisher usually feels as if they ‘lost’ the competition. You don’t win silver - you lose gold”

• Kiefer Sutherland is back in fighting form. The 24 star has been given the green light from his doctors after undergoing minor surgery last week and production on the hits FOX series is set to resume March 1st.

• It's a boy for 65-year-old Gary Busey. The actor's girlfriend Steffanie Sampson gave birth to Luke Sampson Busey yesterday. Gary has two other children, Jake and Alectra, from previous relationships.

(VANCOUVER, CANADA) Last night, the Ice Dancing duo from Canada won the gold medal. Americans Meryl Davis and Charlie White took the silver. What’s the difference? To begin with, the gold medal alone is probably worth $500. That’s just the pure gold within the award. But winning the gold goes much further, when you factor in TV appearances, corporate sponsorships, and such. 24-year-old swimmer Michael Phelps and 23-year-old snowboard Shaun White could retire today -- and die multi-millionaires. That’s how valuable a gold medal is.

(VANCOUVER, CANADA) Believe it or not, one of the Olympians is 6-months pregnant. 30-year-old Kristie Moore – and her unborn baby – are competing in the ultra-silly sport of “curling”. In Canada, curling is wildly popular. Essentially it’s playing shuffle board or darts, but on ice. It doesn’t require heavy lifting, nor does Kristie need to wear helmet during competition.

     Apparently, this is not the first pregnant athlete to compete in the Olympics. Just last time in Italy, a German skeleton rider was pregnant. That’s the sport where they sled face-first down the bobsled run. She nearly earned a medal, but placed 4th. Also, 90 years ago, a Swedish figure skater won the gold medal in her first trimester.

Team U-S-A continues atop the Winter Olympic Game medal count with a total of 25 medals --- seven gold, eight silver and 10 bronze. The latest silver came in ice dancing on Monday for the pair of Meryl Davis and Charlie White. They topped the Russian duo, which nabbed the bronze, but couldn't match the home country twosome of Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, who became the first North Americans to ever win that event. In other Olympic news, the U-S women's hockey team crushed Sweden nine-to-one on Monday to advance to the finals against Canada after the home country team routed Finland five-zip.

(LONDON, ENGLAND) The next summer Olympics will be hosted by London. There’s talk of trying to get “Pole Dancing” as an Olympic sport. The United States Pole Dance Federation sanctions competitions at the local and national level. They’re the primary representative for international Pageants. Look for ESPN to cover the national pole dancing championships next month.

      Ania Przeplasko, founder of the International Pole Dancing Fitness Association says (quote) “There’ll be a day when the Olympics see pole dancing as a sport. We’re shooting for 2012.” The ladies do exactly the same thing as any stripper on the brass pole, except they’re required to stay dressed. And, nobody’s stuffing dollar bills down the panties. Oddly, competitive Pole Dancers still favor ridiculously sized heels.

(VANCOUVER, CANADA) After winning the silver medal in the luge, David Moeller’s first stop was the dentist. On the award stand, the 28-year-old Olympian was asked to make the iconic pose of biting into his medal. He didn’t know his own strength and David broke a front tooth.

     He said, once the Novocaine wore off (quote) “The photographers wanted us to bite into our medals at the presentation ceremony. And a corner of my front tooth broke off. It’s annoying when you can’t smile as you normally do. Because I want to have nice pictures and happy memories of my Olympic Games, I visited the dentist.”

Team U-S-A continued to rack up precious medals at the Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver over the weekend. The U-S medal count is now at 24 with seven gold, seven silver and 10 bronze. Highlights over the weekend included:

• Skier Bode Miller's first-ever gold in the men's super-combined on Sunday, giving the controversial U-S slope star a full set of medals after scoring silver in the super-G and bronze in the downhill.
• Although U-S speedskater Apolo Ohno only managed to squeak by with a bronze in short-track speedskating, he still earned a place in the record books by becoming the most decorated American Winter Olympian with a total of seven medals.
• One day before the 30th anniversary of the Miracle on Ice, the U-S men's hockey team stunned team Canada with a five-to-three upset. Both teams advance to the playoffs for medal contention.

The actor who played "Boner" on Growing Pains is missing.

Andrew Koenig, who is also the son of Star Trek's Walter "Chekov" Koenig, was last seen in Vancouver on February 14th, according to his dad's website. He never boarded his return flight to the U-S on the 16th. Andrew, 41, was suffering from depression, his father's website says. Walter Koenig is asking anyone with information concerning his son to contact Vancouver police.

Research shows that people's attitudes are better in the days before a vacation than following one. Seems it's the anticipation of getting away that makes us happy. The moment we get back the unhappiness settles in again -- and fast.

Researchers in the Netherlands surveyed more than 1500 people and found that the majority got a big boost in happiness simply by planning a vacation.

However, following a trip, there was no difference in happiness between those who had taken a vacation and those who hadn't.

Basically, as soon as they returned to work, it was like they had never left.

After a 12-week disappearing act, Tiger Woods is scheduled to apologize for his behavior, discuss his past and possibly announce when he will end his self-imposed exile from professional golf at a press conference today.

According to his agent, Tiger has taken some "recovery steps." He also feels as though it's time to publicly make amends.

Reporters from only three wire services have been invited (the Associated Press, Reuters and Bloomberg) and only one "pool" TV camera will be permitted into the room in which Woods will make his statement. He'll also take no questions from journalists. He'll just read his little speech and be on his way.

AS YOU’VE NO DOUBT HEARD BY NOW, TOMORROW TIGER WOODS IS GOING TO FINALLY POP HIS HEAD OUT OF THE HOLE HE’S BEEN HIDING IN – IT’S BEEN DESCRIBED AS A “PRESS CONFERENCE”, BUT THAT’S A JOKE -- HIS AGENT SAID HE'LL TALK TO “A SMALL GROUP OF FRIENDS, COLLEAGUES AND CLOSE ASSOCIATES, ALSO TO A SMALL POOL OF REPORTERS” – AND HE WILL NOT TAKE ANY QUESTIONS, WHICH IS THE WHOLE POINT OF A PRESS CONFERENCE – TIGER PLANS TO APOLOGIZE AND MAKE AMENDS – BUT HE DOESN’T NEED TO SAY HE’S SORRY TO THE MEDIA – HE NEEDS TO APOLOGIZE TO HIS WIFE

-- THOSE FEW REPORTERS BEING INVITED SHOULD STAY AWAY – IF THEY CAN’T ASK QUESTIONS, THEY MIGHT AS WELL BE REPLACED BY CARDBOARD CUTOUTS – LOOK FOR A FEW TEARS SHED IN SELF-PITY, AND A BID FOR SYMPATHY BY SAYING HOW TOUGH THIS HAS BEEN ON HIS FAMILY, AND HOW HE HOPES HIS WIFE & CHILDREN WILL SOMEDAY FORGIVE HIM – AS ONE SPORTSWRITER SAID “STAND UP AND BE A MAN, ANSWER THE TOUGH QUESTIONS, OR DON’T EVEN BOTHER. JUST HAVE YOUR AGENTS TYPE UP A STATEMENT AND PUT IT ON YOUR WEBSITE”

(VANCOUVER, CANADA) U-S figure skater Johnny Weir will need a spectacular performance to earn a medal. Tonight’s 4-minute “Free Skate” will determine the medal winners (and losers). Johnny’s U-S teammate, Evan Lysacek is currently in second place.

Team U-S-A was back on top of the medal count on Wednesday night with 14, including five golds, thanks in part to dramatic victories by snowboarder Shaun White, skier Lindsey Vonn and speedskater Shani Davis. White took the top prize in the halfpipe by pulling off the deadly Double McTwist 12-60 -- a three-and-a-half twist with two flips -- in his final run, defending his Olympic crown. Vonn fought through a bruised and swollen shin to take the gold in the women's downhill, while teammate Julia Mancuso took the silver. Davis, meanwhile, glided to his second straight gold in one-thousand-meter speedskating.

 Great article on Norway's Curling team and their pants

buy your own here

America has a new top dog and her name is Sadie. The four-year-old Scottish Terrier won the Westminster Dog Show on Tuesday at New York's Madison Square Garden, but she was somewhat upstaged by some uninvited guests, the Asssociated Press reports. Moments before the pooch climbed up to the purple best in show podium, two women strolled into the center ring and held up signs which read, "Mutts Rule" and "Breeders Kill Shelter Dogs' Chances" as the crowd of 15,000 gasped, booed and then cheered as security escorted the women away.

Kix Brooks started his winery, Arrington Vineyards in Tennessee, as a serious endeavor, but he's having a lot of fun with it. He tells us, "It's neat -- especially on the weekends. People bring picnic baskets out there. It's a nice spot... Something fun to do."

But it's not all just fun and recreation. Kix tells C-N-N, "We set out to make six- to eight-thousand cases a year. Now we're almost double that."

Darius Rucker can record songs with just about anybody he wants these days. But when he was making his first country record, Learn to Live, it wasn't always the case. Darius and his producer, Frank Rogers, wanted to record the duet "Bring Down the Curtain" for his first country album with a certain big country star, but she shot him down. The star's rejection hurt his feelings so badly that he never recorded the song. Darius plans on putting the duet on his second country album, though. He tells us, "I said to Frank Rogers, 'I really want to cut "Bring Down the Curtain" for this record.' And he said, 'Yeah, take your pick, who do you want?'"










 

MILEY CYRUS’S PARENTS, BILLY RAY AND TISH, HAVE BEEN SPENDING MORE AND MORE TIME APART – AT THE END OF LAST YEAR, MILEY RECORDED THE OLD POISON SONG "EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN" WITH BRET MICHAELS -- A SOURCE SAYS “THAT DAY IN THE STUDIO, HER MOM TISH (WHO’S 41) AND BRET (WHO’S 46) HIT IT OFF

IN A BIG WAY” -- BRET'S PUBLICIST ADMITS THAT “THEY DO SPEND A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER” BUT IT’S “ALL BUSINESS”…

The United States continued to lead the overall medal count with a tally now up to eight -- two golds, two silvers and four bronze, but the gold in pairs figure skating went to China on Monday. The pair of Shen Xue and Zhoa Hongbo took top honors, breaking the Russian/Soviet streak of atop that event at every Winter Games since 1960. As for the Team U-S-A, Bode Miller took a bronze medal in the men's downhill, while Seth Wescott took his second gold in men's snowboardcross.

(BROOKLYN, NEW YORK) At times, the end of a romantic relationship can feel like a small death. So New York performance artist Nate Hill has created “Death Bear”. He arrives at your door in full costume. It looks kinda like a cross between “Winnie-the-Pooh” and “Darth Vader”. Death Bear helps you bury your relationship. He’s become the “self-appointed public servant for the brokenhearted.”

     Surprisingly, Death Bear was pretty busy over the Valentine’s Day weekend. Hill says that he collects from his clients (quote) “things that trigger painful memories. An ex’s clothes, old photos, mementos and letters. Death Bear is here to assist you in your time of tragedy, heartbreak and loss. He will stow away those items in his cave where they will remain forever.” (end quote)

• You better catch Barbara Walters' pre-Oscars special next month -- because it's never going to happen again. Barbara announced on The View yesterday that she's "been there, done that" and the March 7th show will be her last special.

(VANCOUVER, CANADA) One of the best American athletes is making a triumphant return to the Olympics. Four years ago, he was banned for an illegal drug. Zack Lund (skeleton rider), who was balding at the time, was essentially caught with Rogaine. A chemical in hair growth products was on the Olympics banned list back in 2006. That’s because it’s often used by steroid users to disguise their drug use in a pee test.

     Lucky for Lund, the drug is now perfectly legal for athletes. Unfortunately, he doesn’t use hair-growth products anymore. He’s completely bald.

WHAT HER VALENTINE GIFT REALLY SAYS

There's a lot of strategy behind every Valentine's Day gift. Think clearly and choose wisely, grasshopper. You screw this up, you'll be digging yourself out of a hole for weeks.

According to HolyTaco.com, here's a rundown of what you think the gift to your girlfriend means -- and what it really means:

The Practical Gift...

• You think it says, "I don't want to intimidate you by getting you something lavish and expensive."

• It really says, "We've only been dating for a month and there's no way I'm going to break the bank for your gift just yet."

The Expensive Gift ...

• You think it says, "I want all of your friends to be jealous and for your to be able to show them that you've got the best man in the world."

• It really says, "The only thing I have to offer you is wealth. I'm literally trying to buy affection. And, sadly, you're going to fall for it."

The Homemade Gift ...

• You think it says, "This is a heartfelt gift that I made with my own two hands. I took the time, effort, and creativity to craft something original for you because you're so unique."

• It really says, "I'm seriously mentally challenged."

The Pet ...

• You think it says, "I think it's time to take our relationship to the next level, so I've purchased a family member that we can raise together."

• It really says, "I'm too stupid to realize that I'm giving you an adorable, fuzzy, face-licking competitor for your affection."

As predicted Lady Antebellum remains at number-one on both the overall and country charts with their latest album, Need You Now, which debuted at number-one last week. They edge out debuts by Lil Wayne and Nick Jonas and the Administration. Need You Now sold an additional 209-thousand copies this week.

Most of the country chart felt a nice bump up as a result of last week's Grammy Awards where all of the top-five artists not only performed, but also took home trophies. Big winner Taylor Swift's Fearless showed a 78-percent increase that locks her in at number-two, while Zac Brown Band's The Foundation got a whopping 82-percent bump to sales putting them at number-three. Carrie Underwood's Play On lands at number-four and shows a growth of 65-percent and Lady A's self-titled debut shows an expected decrease in sales due to the continued success of their newest album, but still grabs the five-spot.


 

(SOMERSET, ENGLAND) Valentine’s Day has been banned at an elementary school. The principal believes the romantic holiday focuses too much on couples and hooking-up. And at his school, the young children are obsessed with talking about boyfriends and girlfriends.

     Any Valentine’s Day cards found in the hallways of Ashcombe Primary School will be confiscated. In a newsletter to the parents the head teacher, Ashcombe Primary School wrote (quote) “This year, we do not wish to see any Valentine’s Day cards. Some children and parents encourage a lot of talk about boyfriends and girlfriends. We believe that such ideas should wait until children are mature enough emotionally -- and socially -- to understand the commitment involved in having or being a boyfriend or girlfriend.”


 

Kenny Chesney is adding two new songs to his Greatest Hits Two C-D. "Ain't Back Yet," the theme for his upcoming 3-D movie, and E-S-P-N's college football theme, "This Is Our Moment," will be available digitally on March 3rd. The two tracks will also be on a revised issue of the C-D, which came out last spring.

Kenny says, "Those two songs are so much a moment. You want them when the moment is still fresh...and I won't have a record out till next fall. So with all the options that are available in today's world, I kinda felt like there has to be a way to get this music to people, to be creative with it. I went back to my record company and asked them to help me figure this out."

When Keith Urban isn't writing songs, playing the guitar or performing his own music in concert, he's home on the piano indulging in his "guilty pleasure" -- music from the '80s. During his People Country Special cover shoot, the country star played and sang R-E-O Speedwagon's "Keep on Loving You." The magazine shares video of the performance on their website.